


My First Wish

by Jaskiers_BrokenLute



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Jaskier | Dandelion Needs a Hug, M/M, Misunderstandings, No Smut, Not Canon Compliant, Past Jaskier | Dandelion/Valdo Marx, Sexual Content, Young Jaskier | Dandelion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:21:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27338611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaskiers_BrokenLute/pseuds/Jaskiers_BrokenLute
Summary: "They first met when Jaskier, then known as Julian, ran away from the expectations of the noble life to pursue his dreams and found himself in Oxenfurt.He was young, had the clothes on his back, the coin he'd managed to snag from his parents before leaving, and his passion."Or: Jaskier and Valdo Marx's relationship pre-show canon
Relationships: Jaskier | Dandelion & Valdo Marx, Jaskier | Dandelion/Valdo Marx
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	My First Wish

They first met when Jaskier, then known as Julian, ran away from the expectations of the noble life to pursue his dreams and found himself in Oxenfurt. 

He was young, had the clothes on his back, the coin he'd managed to snag from his parents before leaving, and his passion.

That, however, didn't seem to be enough to get him a free pass into Oxenfurt. 

He'd met with the head of the school three times in the first week he'd been in Oxenfurt, begged the man to let him at least sit in on the lectures and lessons offered, practically grovelled at his feet, saying if it wasn't for this he'd have nothing.  
Of course, you don't get anywhere by begging and hoping people are kind enough to give you the benefit of the doubt, they never do.

On top of that, he never gave any reason to believe that he was worth the chance, hadn't shown him the multiple notebooks filled with sonnets, ballads, and poetry derived from years of longing and wishing he could make something more of himself, hadn't strummed a single chord or sung a note once to show he worth it.  
He'd realize later that that was the biggest hole in his plan, among the many, many others.

He would have realized it eventually, of course, that is if it weren't pointed out to him first. 

At the end of the week, after being harshly turned away once again from the gates of Oxenfurt Academy, he had lost his hope that the life he wished for himself was within reach.  
He sat just outside the gates, knees pulled up into his chest as silent tears flowed down his cheeks. His hand rubbed the offending tears away before they could reach his cheeks, he wouldn't cry over this, shouldn't waste the tears. He knew it was a long shot, but he's always been passionate, hoping destiny would offer this one thing in retribution for the life he'd had before. 

He could travel without an education, could sing without it, he still had that.  
But what if he didn't? What if he would have to crawl back home, lost and needing as they all told him he would?

No. He would sooner die than go back there, sooner die than admit he isn't good enough. 

Still, the thought was there, and there was nothing he could do to chase away the voices that told him this is how it was always going to end, he didn't stand a chance here. He never should have left, should have known his place, took the harsh words and harsher lashings when he stepped out of line. He should have accepted his duties as Viscount and forgotten his childish dreams. His father's voice was almost as clear now as it always had been. 

"Excuse me?" Jaskier's head shot up when he realized the melodic voice was directed at him. 

He was met with the face of a young man standing above him, he looked a bit older than himself, much more refined than he, a kind smile and eyes that screamed an air of confidence and stature. 

"Are you alright?" He asked, his brow furrowing slightly in what appeared to be concern. 

"Yes, sorry. I've made a mess of myself I'm afraid." Jaskier stood up quickly, brushing the dirt off his trousers and the remaining tears from his eyes, trying to compose himself and hopefully gain back a bit of his dignity. 

"It would seem so. Do you go here?" The boy asked, moving his head in a gesture towards the Academy. 

"No, not for lack of trying though, I assure you." He laughed bitterly, no humour behind the sound. 

"Have you applied?" 

"Well no, but I can't formally apply. It's a long story." It truly wasn't, he couldn't risk his family finding him here, and a noble, next in line for his father's seat, applying for a scholarship in the 7 liberal arts? It was unheard of and the last thing he wanted was to be treated differently, it was half the reason he left in the first place. He couldn't bear it if here too he was faced with, 'why wouldn't you take the life lined up for you' 'Why work so hard for something you probably can't reach when a life of luxury is being handed to you?'  
All said by people who wouldn't know the 'luxury' they spoke of was the equivalent of misery. 

"What do you wish to do here?" The man crossed his arms, eyeing Jaskier up and down as if the answer was hidden somewhere on his body. 

"I'm a bard." He answered confidently, even if he wasn't quite a bard yet. 

"Then that's something we have in common. My name is Valdo Marx, second year." He bowed dramatically as he introduced himself, making it seem like he was someone far more important than a second-year student. Jaskier smiled, he'd always been a fan of dramatics. It was one of the reasons being a bard suited him so well. 

"Julian," He responded, awkwardly giving a half bow-half curtsy that seemed to look just odd enough to amuse Valdo. 

"Just Julian?" He raised an eyebrow. 

"Just Julian, until you get to know me better at least." He spoke with a wink, his heart fluttering just a bit when Valdo laughed. He'd be a fool not to admit that he was attractive, but there was something else about him, something deeper that Jaskier just couldn't put his finger on, but it made him hope against the odds that he would take Jaskier up on the offer and get to know him better. In any sense of the words. 

"Well then, accompany me? I'm sure I can help you with your predicament." 

"Really?" Jaskier's eyes widened and a small smile threatened to take over his entire face. 

Valdo simply smiled back and nodded, opening the gates and holding them open for Jaskier to enter first.  
"If you'd like," He answered. 

________________________

"Once more, nearly perfect dear," Valdo spoke, his voice a bit stern when he was teaching but still gentle as he watched Jaskier struggle with the song he was working on. 

They'd been at it for a week and a half, Jaskier showed Valdo the songs he'd written, who in turn helped revise them into proper ballads, setting a tune to them. They worked together on a specific song, perfecting the words and the tune, chords, and instruments that would sound the best. 

Ultimately they landed on the Lute, Valdo insisting that it suited Jaskier perfectly, and it was the only instrument Jaskier was close to mastering as of yet. 

Valdo Marx was a charmer, words flowed through him just as easily as the blood in his veins. He was quick, smart, and very easy to like if only Valdo put his mind to it.  
He'd gotten to Jaskier quickly, he believed in him like no one ever had, encouraged the parts of him that he'd been taught to hide and fight. He smiled when Jaskier sang and praised him easily, never afraid to tell him how to improve, but never hurtful. 

Now, the song was nearly perfect, Valdo would accompany him to his final attempt at getting into the Academy, he would vouch for him.

Jaskier took a deep breath and played the tune once more, letting all the emotions he usually held inside pour into the words and through his hands as they ran through the chords that were committed to memory, still a bit sloppy in his lack of experience with proper performance, but still beautiful in its essence.

He ran through the song, breathing heavily when he'd finished, adrenaline pouring through him that felt so right, exhilarating. The love of performing set permanently into his bones and his heart as he let the feeling wash over him.

He opened his eyes and looked up at Valdo, who stood with a smug smirk on his face, 

"I knew you could do it," He smiled, Jaskier laughed and let his head drop back, the feeling of being seen for the first time for who he was almost as addictive as the music itself. 

"Do you really think I'm ready?" He asked after he'd caught his breath. 

"Come here," Valdo said softly, watching as Jaskier put the lute down against the wall and walked the few steps the separated the two.  
He pulled Jaskier closer, letting the younger man rest his head on his shoulder as he rubbed his hands up and down his back. 

"You were always ready," He whispered, "You just needed a little push." 

Jaskier held onto Valdo like a lifeline, fighting against the lump in his throat, the pure comfort, and love he felt from the words overwhelming him. Never before had someone believed in him so whole-heartedly, never before has he felt this safe.  
He'd been hesitant to accept it at first, but Valdo is warm, and easy to fall for. He couldn't deny himself when he was laid before him for the taking.

"Thank you," He managed the words without breaking, hoping that somehow he could convey how grateful he was and always would be for the chance he's been given. 

"Now, as much as I love being the center of your attention, we have a big day tomorrow, and this does not happen without beauty sleep." He pulled away, gesturing to himself as he spoke. 

Jaskier nodded with a small, wet laugh as he wiped his face of the wetness that threatened to fall from his eyes. 

"None of that," Valdo spoke, raising his hand to wipe away the tears with his thumb, his hand lingering on Jaskier's cheek. 

The movement made Jaksier's breath catch in his throat, fighting the urge to melt into the touch. His eyes fluttered closed against his will as Valdo's fingers soft as silk despite the callouses, ran against the skin of his neck. 

"Look at you," Valdo broke the silence, his voice low and steady, trying to maintain the feeling that has overcome the two of them. 

"You're beautiful Julian," Jaskier brought his hand up to cover Valdo's holding him there as he leaned into the touch, his eyes falling closed as if it were the most natural thing in the world. 

"Though of course not as beautiful as me," He leaned closer, his forehead resting against Jaskier's, "But it's a near thing."

___________________________________

"If I may, sir, I truly think Julian would be an asset to the academy, I've seen him perform many times, read his works. I think one day he could be great, he only needs a chance. Having another talent out there that could vouch for the academy would be worth the potential risk. " Valdo spoke after Jaskier had finished the song they'd worked on, the dean seemed half-way convinced after the show alone but listened intently to Valdo. 

He'd been a top student here since he first enrolled, his way with words gaining him far more than he'd have without them. Professors and students alike adored him, enough that he had a bit of pull here. He could probably talk the sun into coming out at night if he put his mind to it. 

"Alright, I'll give the boy a chance, but if he lets me down that's on you, Marx." 

"I have every confidence that he'll meet and surpass your expectations sir." He responded, though his smile seemed a bit tight on his face, not quite reaching his eyes. 

"Then he has my confidence as well." He smiled, turning to Jaskier for the first time since he'd finished performing. 

"Welcome to Oxenfurt Academy Julian." 

"Thank you, sir, I won't let you down." The stars would envy the smile plastered on Jaskier's face as he eagerly shook the man's hand, his arm trembling with excitement. Everything was coming together, finally. 

"If you'll excuse us, sir," Valdo spoke after Jaskier and the dean had discussed the terms of his allowance into the Academy. 

"Of course," 

Jaskier practically hopped along beside Valdo as they walked across campus back to his dorm, hardly containing the energy that ran through him. 

"We did it!" He shouted the moment they were inside, throwing himself at Valdo and clinging onto him. The man 'oofed' with surprise but returned the hug. 

"You did it, Julian." He corrected, his hand cradling the back of Jaskier's head, fingers running idly through his hair. 

"I couldn't have without you." He responded quickly. 

"About that," He pulled away enough to look into Jaksier's eyes, but close enough that their arms remained wrapped around each other. 

"I meant what I said, I know you can do this Julian but you heard him, if you mess up I could lose all of what I've worked for."

"I know, I would never do anything to hurt you Valdo." He responded, even so, fear gripped at his stomach. He could never forgive himself if he fucked this up for both of them, after all Valdo had already done for him, he couldn't re-pay him with expulsion from Oxenfurt. 

"I know dear, just, keep it in mind will you?" Jaskier nodded as Valdo tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, resting his hand once again on the back of his head. 

"Now, how shall we celebrate you, my dear Julian?" He asked, watching the blush creep up Jaskier's necks and painting his pale cheeks pink. 

"Did you mean it, yesterday when you called me beautiful?" 

"Of course," Valdo was a bit taken back by the question, he knew Jaskier was new to this, to feel cared for, but he didn't seem the insecure type. He radiated waves of excitement and confidence, but inside he craved just this, a gentle touch and gentler words. 

"Darling, has no one ever told you?" Jaskier shook his head, meeting Valdo's eyes as he answered. He'd lived most of his life before now in the walls of his parent's estate, and everyone who lived there was under his father's payroll, cold in their professionalism, and his parents had certainly never complimented him on such trivial things as his passions or looks for that matter. 

"Let me prove it to you." He said, letting his hands fall from Jaskier's head and waist respectfully, down to his hands, pulling Jaskier across the room and sitting him down on the edge of his bed, facing a full-length mirror. 

He situated himself behind Jaskier so the younger man was sat between his legs, Valdo's arms around his middle, coming together in front of him. 

"Look at yourself," He whispered close enough to Jaskier's ear that his breath ghosted across his skin, sending a shiver down his spine. 

"Look at those wondrous eyes, like the sun reflecting off the sea. Those eyes hold the stars dear, gorgeous." 

"Your skin is softer than the finest made silks," He unwound his hands and pushed up the bottom of Jaskier's chemise, running his hands up and down Jaskier's sides. 

Jaskier sunk back against Valdo's chest, his eyes staying fixed on his reflection, watching as his shirt lifted higher and higher as Valdo's hands explored, every touch was like lightning against his sensitive skin, nothing had ever felt like this before and he was drunk with it. 

"Here," Valdo spoke, leaning down to press his face against the side of Jaskier's throat.  
He tilted his head to give him more room, gasping as he felt Valdo's lips against his neck, soft kisses and gentle brushes of his teeth against the pale expanse. 

"How beautifully you respond dear," Jaskier could practically hear the smirk that had certainly made its way onto Valdo's face as he got slightly harsher with his ministrations, sucking red and purple marks into the line of his throat, kissing the bruises each time he'd added another, continuing until Jaskier was gripping the blankets with white knuckles and breathy moans escaping with each exhale. 

"You make such sweet sounds, and I've hardly begun." He teased, pulling away to admire his work.  
"Let's fix that, shall we?" 

He removed himself from behind Jaskier and gently pushed against Jaskier's chest until he was flat on the bed, backing up so he was situated in the middle, making room for Valdo in front of him. 

"You're so pretty like this Julian, so good for me," He breathed, standing on his knees, Jaskier's legs between his. 

"Valdo, please," 

"Please what darling," He moved so he was overtopping of Jaskier, his hands on either side of his head, hovering above but not touching, making Jaskier squirm with the need to feel -something-

"Kiss me," 

"As you wish," He smiled, leaning down and connecting their lips. 

It started slow, a gentle press of the lips. Jaskier moved his arms to wrap around Valdo's neck, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss.  
Valdo ran his tongue along Jaskier's bottom lip, a question quickly answered as Jaskier opened his mouth and let Valdo in. 

Valdo was talented with his mouth in more ways than just his singing, and Jaskier, in his inexperience could do little to reciprocate.  
The older man took charge, ravaging Jaskier's mouth like it was the finest delicacy the continent has to offer, nipping at Jaskier's bottom lip and sucking it into his mouth just to hear the gasps and mewls it dragged from him. 

He pulled away to breathe, both of their breaths mingling in huffs of air.  
Valdo hardly gave Jaskier time to catch his breath before he had re-attached his mouth to the untouched side of his neck, trailing wet open-mouthed kisses down the length of. Continuing on his trail adding marks to his collar bone, the entire time drinking in the wrecked noises Jaskier made with every new mark. 

"You have far too many clothes on, love." He said as he reached the collar of Jaskier's shirt, pulling at the buttons and revealing the pale canvas of his chest. 

"Gorgeous," He smiled, leaning down and continuing down as Jaskier, with shaking hands, removed the shirt from his arms, leaving him bare from the waist up. 

"Gods, Valdo wait." He put his hand on the older man's shoulder as he reached the waistband of his trousers. 

"What is it darling." He stopped in his tracks and returned to Jaskier's face. 

He could have melted just there, despite Valdo's obvious desire how he stopped without question upon Jaskier's request, treating him like he was something precious.

"I've never, I'm not sure what I, um," He stumbled over his words, half from embarrassment and partially because of the lust-filled haze in his mind, restricting his thoughts to nothing but the feeling of Valdo's hands and his heavenly mouth. 

"Not to be forthcoming dear but I know. Let me take care of you tonight, don't you worry your pretty little head over me." He smiled, leaning down to press a kiss to Jaskier's forehead, meeting his eyes once more before he continued,  
"Okay?"

"Yes, more than okay." He answered eagerly, rolling his hips up into Valdo's thigh, the friction, even through the layers of fabric enough to steal the breath from his lungs. 

Valdo moved his hands down to Jaskier's hips to stop the movement, 

"Can't have you finishing early now can we?" 

He takes him apart beautifully, with his mouth, fingers, then finally his cock where Jaskier needs it most.  
He leaves Jaskier breathless, screaming in pleasure, nails digging into skin as he takes more than he ever has, his voice wrecked and absolutely gorgeous.

When they both finished and Valdo has washed them both of their spend, he lays down beside Jaskier, lets the younger man lay his head into the crook of his shoulder and wraps his arm around his back, more content than he's ever remembered being.

________________________

Jaskier meets and surpasses the expectations of his lecturers, peers, and the dean of the school.  
It's hard not to be doing well when you've ached for this opportunity all your life. 

Waking each morning seems too good to be true, he'll awake warm, cradled in the arms of Valdo Marx, taking the few precious minutes he has before he wakes to take in his features, to revel in the feeling of being here with him, and if he feels so bold, snuggle in closer and place cautiously closed mouth kisses to the exposed skin of his lover's throat and chest, fingers twirling the curls of his bed head.

Then he'll dress in finer clothes than he's owned since his nobility, gifts from Valdo, bought with the precious little coin he has from the in-between jobs he's booked for. 

"I saw them and could only picture how beautifully the blues would bring out your eyes," He'd said as he watched Jaskier dress into the new baby blue outfit that he'd brought back from a night spent performing. 

Jaskier nearly cried, it was embarrassing really, how every little show of affections meant so much more to him than they should. He's never realized how starved he was of it until Valdo showed up like a feast laid out for him. 

Valdo seemed endlessly prepared to supply Jaskier with his much-needed top-ups of love.  
Happy to receive it back in the ways that Jaskier could. 

Sure, he couldn't afford fancy gifts and couldn't use his status to get Valdo into the school of his dreams, but never the less he tried relentlessly to pay back all of the debt that had added up, even if Valdo told him it wasn't necessary. 

He would be there for him whenever he was needed when Valdo was stressed with school or couldn't find a job to keep his coin purse from emptying Jaskier was there, to sit beside him and chatter so his mind could wander elsewhere, to lay with him in bed and trace silent patterns over his body, to massage his aching fingers after hours of playing, placing kisses on each calloused fingertip and eager lips when he had finished his work and Valdo felt better.

Jaskier fell fast, but not hard. There was nothing aggressive or sudden about how he fell for Valdo, it was small things, realizing how cold it would be if he didn't wake up in his arms, how much he would ache for the tales Valdo told him and for the glances that were spared solely for him.  
How much he would despise playing and singing without Valdo's words of encouragement and good-luck-kisses before he performed. How empty he would feel again without the love that he was given. 

And still, even given this love he felt he didn't quite deserve it. He was terrified to tell Valdo how much he needs him lest his feelings not be returned and his silly mind convince him that it was never real. 

So he was open with affection but held his tongue. He had endless love-sick songs written and odes to the person who showed him how it felt to be cared for, but they were only ever for his eyes, to be sung while Valdo was in class and he was in a passing period or off for the day. 

When he wasn't thinking about Valdo or working himself up over the thought of Valdo not thinking about him, he was burying himself in his studies. Thirsty for knowledge that he was never able to study, taking in too much and not enough at the same time.  
He'd bury himself in books, working his fingers to the bone to eagerly take notes and sort out his thoughts with a pencil and his ever-growing pile of notebooks (that thankfully came free from the campus).  
His mind was sharper by the day, random facts and wise remarks beginning to make their way into his day-to-day vocabulary, a deeper understanding and with it, appreciation for the continent ad all that it had to offer ingraining itself into his heart. 

But above all, his love for performance, for words and rhymes and emotions that were just far too powerful to simply speak. His voice grew stronger and his fingers no longer bled as they danced along the strings of his lute, the playing of which becoming second nature almost instantly as if it had always belonged in his hands.  
His songs were better, some jaunty jigs, some heartfelt ballads, and all perfectly formed with little to no help from Valdo. It was everything he had hoped for and more. 

And it seemed to only be getting better. 

______________

"Julian darling," Valdo called as he walked into their shared dorm room. 

Jaskier turned around on the stool he was sat on, working at one of his more challenging ballads he'd been working on for a little under a month now. 

"Do you have any previous engagements tomorrow evening?" He asked, stepping closer to Jaskier as he stood up from the stool, Valdo wrapping his arms automatically around the smaller's waist. 

"No, why?" He responded, his arms in turn going around Valdo's neck, crossing behind him. 

"I have been invited to perform at the court of Cidaris, possibly to gain a longer position there, I was hoping you would accompany me, as my date of sorts." 

"Your date?" 

"If you're amenable to that, plus one is just as well if you'd prefer." He responded, pulling away from Jaskier and wiping his hands on his shirt, an action that Jaskier noted early on was a nervous habit of the other man.

"No, date is good." He grabbed Valdo's hands and pulled them away from himself, flashing a reassuring smile up at him. 

"I agree," He smiled back, butterflies forming in Jaskier's stomach at the sight. 

"This is the chance you've been waiting for, a position as the court bard of Cidaris is a big deal," Jaskier spoke after a moment, sitting with Valdo on the edge of the bed. 

"Yes, but let's not get ahead of ourselves, it's only a possibility at the moment. Though I have little doubt I'll be received well enough to be offered the position." 

"Of course you will," 

"You say such sweet things, my dear," Valdo placed his hand under Jaskier's chin, tilting his head up so their lips were mere moments apart. 

"May I?" He asked, his voice low, eyes trained on Jaskier's awaiting lips. 

"Yes," He breathed, barely finishing the worlds before their lips met, a chaste kiss that lasted only a moment. When Valdo pulled away Jaskier's eyes remained closed, his breath stolen from his lungs. 

Valdo chuckled and cupped Jaskier's face in his hands. 

"Do you know what you mean to me, Julian? Even a bard, a poet as magnificent as I have a hard time putting into words how I feel for you, darling. I find there is but one way to show my affections for you, three words that I dare not speak, lest you run for the hills upon hearing them." He spoke, his eyes holding nothing but fondness and warmth as he gazed up Jaskier. 

"I could never leave you," He spoke back, voice small and quiet, but strong in its own right. 

"Don't make promises you can't keep dear," 

"Then let me speak them, you must know by now that it's true, whether the words leave me or not, it's true." He said, leaning into the hand on his cheek. 

"And I you."

__________________________

Valdo left early in the afternoon, wanting to be prepared for any travelling issues that may hold him up.  
Jaskier wrapped his cloak around Valdo's shoulders and planted a swift kiss on his cheek before he left, promising to follow behind him as soon as he was through with all his classes.  
Classes that went by slow as the flow of honey, spent in his head hoping Valdo's trip was safe and without a hitch, still worrying after him despite the travelling conditions being perfectly good and well between Oxenfurt and Cidaris. 

The entire rest of his day would have been spent just as productively if he'd skipped it altogether and left with Valdo like he'd wanted to. He couldn't pay attention class, anxiously fiddling with his quill as he tried to take notes and always came back to; 'will I make it in time' and 'will he think I don't want to be there if I show up late' etcetera, etcetera. 

Getting out of class felt like being freed from a hostage situation, running from the school building to the dormitories like there was fire on his heels just so he could collect his few needed belongings and get on the road to Cidaris. The importance of getting there on time to support Valdo at his first big opportunity was heavy on him as he grabbed his cloak, coin purse, and a change of nicer clothes, shoving them either onto his person or into a saddlebag he'd attach to his rented horse.

Everything ready, double and triple-checked, he set off, a smile plastered on his face as he imagined sitting in the crowd, the last line of a familiar only to his ears, ballad ringing out, applauds roaring through the audience while he stood, the room all but gone as he met eyes with Valdo. They'd go straight to each other after he walked off the stage, meet in the middle and share a kiss that would stop time as it was, showing Jaksier's pride and Valdo's giddiness over a successful performance. It would be absolutely perfect. 

\--

Valdo stood on the make-shift stage set up in the dining hall, knee-shaking as he tuned his lute and set aside the case.  
He started just as soon as everyone was settled in, which was any second now, and his mind was blanking on his songs, chords and lyrics alike. This never happens to him, he prides himself on being able to work under pressure, his calm and collected attitude a key part of his personality, but now he was panicking.  
Of course, as every good bard and troubadour knows, all performances should be played as though they're for royalty; like it's your very last, and yet, he still knew that this, right now, was the most important stage he's ever stood on and if he blanks now he may never get this shot again. 

The only thing that came to his mind, clear as day, was a slow song Julian had played one day when Valdo couldn't sleep.  
It was completely written and composed by Jaskier, one of his first songs that he thought he'd done perfectly. Valdo loved it the second he heard it, the slow and simple chords settling the tension that had been keeping him awake, the lyrics made him feel light and content. He'd adored Julian in that moment, if he played it now he knew the rest of the performance would run smoothly, like a lucky charm to calm his mind and bring back his spark. 

He scanned his eyes through the audience, hoping to meet with those gorgeous blues that he knew as he knew himself, standing and turning to identify every person in hopes of finding Julian amongst the unfamiliar faces, but he came up empty. 

He hadn't shown yet, must just be held up, he told himself with a steadying breath, Jaskier wouldn't miss this for any little reason. 

Before he could make an excuse for Julian, the silent wave of a glove clad hand signalled his time to begin. 

With a charming, rehearsed smile and a bow, he lifted his lute to his chest, inhaled deep into his lungs, and began. The feeling of the music against his chest and echoing through the hall had just the effect that he'd hoped. His mind went back to that soft and easy place as the memory of the song took over. He'd only heard it a few times since the first, and yet playing it came more naturally to him than the ballad he'd prepared to play first.  
That, and the tone of Julian's felt right for the occasion, a simple yet touching piece to introduce him, to start the night off easily, he'd have to thank Jaskier thoroughly once they were back home tonight. 

When the room had quieted and the final note played out, applause sounded deafeningly through the hall, he felt as though his entire body was thrumming and glowing with the rush of not blowing this. 

"Is that an original composition?" A lord had approached while he was basking in the pride that flowed through him, the question barely making it to his understanding. 

"Yes," He replied on instinct, "I believe it's called 'Fair'" 

"Your talent truly proceeds you, and I believe I speak for all of us when I say I can't wait to see what else you have in store for us tonight, and in nights following," He smiled and returned to his table before Valdo could even stutter out a thank you that probably wouldn't have come out as anything intelligible. 

"Congratulations on your original composition,"

The wonder inside him couldn't have died any quicker as he spun to meet those eyes he'd so desperately searched for, shining with the beginnings of un-shed tears.  
It hadn't connected how it must have seemed, he should have said something to the lord, shouldn't have claimed the song to be his own, even if it may have been the first step in gaining a position in court. 

"Julian, I didn't-"

"What? Didn't mean for me to see you using my songs to get in?" He asked, crossing his arms over his chest as he stepped closer to Valdo. Eyes began to turn as the scene played out, Valdo wished he could crawl out of his skin. 

"I meant to tell them," It wasn't entirely true, but he hadn't meant to pass the song off as his own, he saw no respect in stealing songs when trying to sell your talents. 

"It sure looked like it," 

"I will tell them, just, please go sit down you're making a scene." He reached out to put his hand on Jaskier's shoulder, feeling his stomach begin to sink as the silent hall began to fill out with whispers and Jaskier pulling away from him. 

"Don't bother, just, did you always mean to use me, or was there more?" 

His breath stuttered in his lungs, that was the last thing he wanted Jaskier to believe, he'd chosen the song -because- Jaskier meant so much to him. But now, looking into Jaskier's watering eyes and subtly shaking lower lip, he couldn't find the words to express that to him, only wanted to end the conversation and hopefully salvage the evening.  
It felt like a tug of war on his mind, whether to fix the night, the chance that was slipping through his fingers, or step aside and take Jaskier instead. 

With a steadying breath he stepped back, Jaskier will be there tomorrow, this chance won't, he'll fix this just as soon as the night is out. 

"I'm sorry, you have to go," 

Jaskier felt his heart shatter in his chest. So it was true, Jaskier hadn't found love in him, hadn't found a home or a warm bed he could return to each night, hadn't found someone to accept him or to appreciate his songs just for the sake of it, hadn't found anything in Valdo except another cruel twist of faith that left him aching and lost. 

He nodded and ran from the building, shaking hands readying his horse that had just been stabled moments ago, ripping the roses he's bought for Valdo from the saddlebag and throwing them into the dirt, driving his heel into the flowers until not a single petal remained on the stem.

His throat burned and his eyes stung as he road into the night, fighting off the cries that were clawing up his throat. He didn't want to waste any more tears on people who didn't give a shit about him, not his parents, not all the people that had told him he'd never be anything but a burden, and certainly not people who made him fall him love then stomped their heart into the dirt like it were nothing but a stupid flower they'd wasted their coin on. 

So he would pretend he didn't fall against the door of their shared room the second it was closed, pretend he hadn't sobbed and screamed into Valdo's pillow until his throat was raw and the fabric was drenched in tears and snot.  
He'll pretend he hadn't ripped up ever poem Valdo had ever written for him, pretend he didn't smash the mirror that they had looked into as Valdo told him he was beautiful, hadn't grabbed his lute, his songs, his pens, and his clothes, leaving everything else, including his name behind as he took what he could and walked away. 

He'll pretend Jaskier wasn't born out of heartbreak, pretend he hadn't walked through the night and cried again when he reached an inn, regret a stone in his heart. 

Despite the regret, and the wasted tears, he walked away from the heartache, slowly allowed himself to love music again, and found himself in a small tavern in a backwater town called Posada.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been thinking about making a follow-up story to this when they meet again, after the wish so, maybe watch out for that if you liked? 
> 
> Let me know what you thought! Here or come say hello on Tumbler: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/jaskiersbrokenlute


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